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there's a difference in bribery and learning to say "no" and actually mean it. But just something different to think about. But then too, few have used a river rock as a toy car. Or learned how to make what they wanted. I'm just ancient and a bit olden in thought I suppose. From where I sit, I'd say you did the very best you could at the time, and the problem is not with you but with them in the present.

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it feels a bit like you have an axe to grind. You know people who come here need advice -maybe they are troubled,confused, exploited, whatever i freely admit to being a bit like that, yep cult membership whatever not be too bright, but it not help if you are overly in your replies. he went into my e-mail while I was asleep, he knew the password. He searched through my e-mails- I am not sure how he read i did not ask. However he found what he considered the most "damning". I know this happened becasue he woke me up to confront me with it. That e-mail was not about the "cult", it was just an e-mail to a close friend (not a "cult member") letting her know how the relationship was knew where to look because I had previously told him that i considered this person my closest friend. i think it is a little bit invasion of privacy.

I do want to emphasize that, where I do not think that your gf's behavior in this instance was appropriate/ mature (or a good influence for -), I'm not trying to lay all the blame on her. I don't think yours were % on point either really, it was a lose-lose scenario. And so I think this all is a problem of combination; I feel like your attitudes and behaviors toward each another have changed since you made the switch from friends to coupledom. Let me try to explain . Despite how you got along when you were friends, you're a couple now; you've alluded a bit to how she's been acting differently than she did when you were just friends. For example: Stressed though she be, in the 5 years you've know her as only a friend, I'm sure there've been times when she was just your friend AND also stressed out. Did she treat you then, as your stressed-out friend, the same way she treats you as your stressed-out gf? I'd wager not. And, by extension: Would she have kicked up such a fuss with you over the cigar, do you think, if you two were just friends at the time? Further: Would YOU have felt so indignant and irritated by her going ahead to smoke the cigar anyway, despite her tantrum if you two were just friends? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say "Of course not!" because she likely wouldn't have been so pushy in the first place, giving you little to no reason to feel indignant as a result. Hopefully this is making some sense You, I'm not really convinced that there is any such state as "getting used to each other and the types of people we are, relationship-wise." Types of people you are? Didn't you begin to show each other the 'types' of people you are when you were just friends? Didn't you get to know each other's quirks, or hear stories about each other's past relationships, or encounter/ deal together with any conflicts/ annoyances when you were friends? Why should you two be totally different people Jekyl and Hyde-like in a relationship? Dysfunctional tendencies come out in friendships JUST as they do once you start bedding someone that is (as I it), assuming yall were being genuine and honest with one another about who you are when you were 'just friends' (continued. Sorry so -)

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