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There is a bit of martyr syndrome and you also put quite a few reasons out there that really trying to fix shit in this marriage just isn't that important compared to everything. You're not the antichrist but read back through your posts, this one in particular I don't know if I could be real with another person yes you can. You just don't WANT to. Not saying that your marriage isn't broken and that its all your fault. I'm sure your husband owns a good share of this but its time for you to grasp something. You have the power of choice here..the power to change your side of the dynamic, the power to make your marriage a priority and the power to let it continue its death spiral. None of that guarantees success, you could muster up the strength and lay it all out there and flame out completely. However it is time to quit bullshitting yourself and everyone around you. Fuck this 'I don't know' shit. You know..you know a lot of things and its time for you to start making decisions based upon what you know not fear of what you don't. You know..your marriage is in a broken state. You know what you ARE doing isn't working. You know you can take actions to try and fix it IF you want to yeah, you CAN go to a counselor, read books, go online and do research. You CAN change your behavior. and you can decide if you want to tell your husband if he doesn't want to do anything about your failing marriage you. But wouldn't it be nice to MEAN it? You know without that, without YOU taking action and following through on fixing your end..you're scamming as much as anyone. He doesn't own you any attempt at changing this shouldn't rely upon his participation..there's no tit for tat. No 'trying'..no, none of that horseshit..you DO. Trying is for people who don't really want to lose weight..it's a matter of how bad you want it. Trying is a term to use for things OUTSIDE your control. Your behavior isn't one of those. That said, you're also free to end it..but you don't get to sit on the fence and say you laid it on the line.

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