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For example, in many places, there are lots of 'negative' words for women who have sex outside marriage (e.g, slut, whore), while the words for men who have

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First, I think personal counseling for your situation would be key in resolving the feelings, thoughts, issues, emotions, and getting an handle on what 'normal' should be for you. Second, once you have a good start on the personal counseling it wouldn't be a bad idea to look into couples counseling. The two of you can utilize the knowledge a qualified professional and hopefully find a place that you both enjoy together. There's also a bit of potential biological factors involved here as well. As a ages his testosterone levels tend to drop off. A -'s testosterone levels also peak in the AM and drop in the PM, women's hormone levels are opposite in general. Which is why men sex in the morning (hence morning wood) and women like sex at night. Also, a woman's sex drive tends to peak in the years preceding menopause (mid-30's to mid-40's). Lastly, you want to go to your Medical Doctor and address some of these issues, they also have a host of tests that can be run to determine if your male hormone levels are where they should be. If not then you well benefit from some hormone supplementation. Please don't think about only testosterone, but it could also be Thyroid related, adrenal dysfunction, or chemistry dysfunction. This doesn't mean you're broken, bad, dysfunctional, or otherwise 'damaged', sometimes as we age things just need some extra help, a couple little pills and then things are back where they should be. Just be careful, some men can have adverse effects when mixing an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor antidepressasnt) with testosterone, it has the potential to cause 'rage' and can change mood, lability, or general attitude and make you more in a bad way. Talk with your doctor! Anyhow, that's about it, I could go on but I think the above points are primarily what you want to consider. I would start with a trip to your Medical Doctor first. Get his advice on looking at the 'medical' aspects of your symptoms, then once you get that dialed in head towards the counseling. Counseling is most effective after organic/medical issues have been addressed. You can talk all you want but if there's a physical problem it's rarely going to fix the overall issue.