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Here's my dilemma: There's a student at the school I work at (I'm staff, not faculty) who I really really like. Up until 3 weeks ago, the only time we spoke (or smiled) at each other was when she'd check books out. Since then, I've printed things for her when no computers are available, and I've approached her a couple of times; we even sat together in the cafeteria. I am v. v. interested in her. Two things: I don't know if she dates women, and i don't know if she likes me I go over our conversations trying to figure out what's going on. I've never seen her sitting or walking with anyone, so I know she's a bit shy (as am I). But anytime we've seen each other, she always smiles, always greets me by name and our conversations- while nowhere out of the ordinary- are always . Also: she came in to the library this week and was emphatic about saying hello and waving (and of course smiling) Of course, in my head, all signs point to yes. She hasn't mentioned a significant other, said she lived alone, and from all accounts it seems- single. UGH! I don't know part of me thinks she's just being friendly, don't read into anything. But then again, would you share where you live, work, grew up, etc., etc. with someone who you're literally having your first conversation with that doesn't revolve around? And of your own accord? I feel a bit ridiculous asking all this, as I understand it all depends on situation, person, yada yada But I'm sooo new at this; I've never really dated (much less told a woman I liked her) and the anxiety over my late bloom has me all kinds of. All I know is I can't not smile when I think of her. Any advice would be great and much appreciated

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In some sense, I can't believe this has happened I feel like I've walked into an insta-relationship. Since we've been basiy best friends for months, I don't exactly feel like we're rushing things we know each other very well but it's still strange to go from being single to acting like a settled couple practiy overnight. When he dropped me off at my house, he kissed me and said, 'have a good day at work' it was like we were practiy a married couple. It just feels a bit strange to me not bad, just strange and I'm not sure how to deal with it. Or how to mitigate the weirdness. Adding to the complication here: we are both very busy with work, and he be leaving my city in late July for at least a year for work-related reasons. I'd be grateful to hear any friends-to-lovers stories or thoughts. Thanks.

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But do be cautious, a woman alone in a bar can be an easy target. Keep your drink in your hands and make sure someone knows where you are. I am a woman and I have often been in bars alone while waiting for friends, I don't like being in bars by myself for extended periods of time for a number of reasons, but I'm not afraid to sit and have a drink by myself at the bar while I wait for my crew. Often times I'll chat with people sitting nearby or have a conversation with the bartender, it is fun and casual but I have been in situations where the person sitting next to me is a and I can tell that if I engage him in conversation for too he'll think it's going to lead to something. It's difficult to know how to make it clear that I'm not on the prowl, but the difference is in my situation a friend or group of friends is on their way so I know there be a definite end to the conversation. In your situation it's probably a bit difficult to be sure you aren't misleading someone. I think you should be very clear with yourself on what your intentions are, chatting up strangers in bars can result in an hour's worth of interesting conversation but generally I don't think the intention should be to meet new friends. I have a few regular bars that I go to where I'm friends with the owner or bartender, and I don't even go there by myself. Maybe if that's something you place a high value on you should find a nice neighborhood bar to go to with your friends and/or fiance for a while and establish a rapport with the bartender. Then if you feel you want to go by yourself you'll have at least one friend there looking out for you, and also someone to talk to.

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