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I'm really asking for advice. I know what I did was wrong but our brains do shit to "trick" us all of our brains, not just mine. The person has a way a justifying they aren't just bad or a home wrecker. They tell themselves "well they are really unhappy" whatever. It was really hard for me because the sex stuff only lasted less than a month. There were so ways that we connected although now I'm wondering if that is even true. I didn't just try to ruin this dudes marriage. I told him numerous times to stop contacting me. I also constantly date other people in the hopes of finding another romantic distraction. It has been hard to let go. But, again, I think situations like mine are more common than people want to let on..otherwise there wouldn't be a 50% divorce rate and so men (and women out to cheat). That's a distinction, This person was out to cheat, I was just stupid, not maniacal. I do not believe in "homwreckers" only you can ruin your marriage. The way I look at it is that I was the enabler, he was the. People here think I'm a cad a slut. Well, I am a slut actually. I didn't have an orgasm and felt sexually disempowered until I was well over 40 so yea, I am a bit slutty because I found an empowerment I never had before (although I'm kind of like a nun slut because I've had sex twice (literally this year. But I'm actually a very nice person. It's my empathy (in a twisted way) that got me into this bad situation in the first place.

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and we on the internet to think somehow in a few posts we can solve someone -'s shit for them. I'll admit you frustrate me but what the fuck, I'm an optimist or stubborn as fuck, take your pick. Nojoy the truth, when my marriage and we are talking about either one was good, life has never been better. I somewhat felt like I had it all and both had times where I never felt so complete. From starting out with my first ex the apartment, dreams of where we would go, doing laundry together at the laundry mat, the trip up the California coast where we had 10 days and no agenda but to just be together and what we wanted .fucking bliss. The second wife stunningly beautiful woman, sexy as hell and a boy I absolutely fell in with, never could imagine a better feeling than when I saw him actually improve because of something I helped with and some of that happened just last night. No need for details but just know that my heart felt like it was ripped from my chest. Knowing I would do anything to get that back and be there every day and knowing that even thinking about it leads nowhere good. All there, real times, real memories and real happiness. And life is HARD right now, tomorrow I go under the knife again. Dude, I'm a bit of a physical stud with a back that hurts every day and I'm damn near disabled. I don't know what I'll do if this doesn't work, I'm to death and as fucking timing would have it my stepson and ex are in town. He be with me this weekend and I avoid her like the plague. Not because I hate her or I am angry but because I know no good come from it. It's done and time to go forward. I could slide into a hole, I it. I know where you are..but no thanks.

LET'S BUILD A LIFE TOGETHER.