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..it's good to hear I'm not only the only one. It's really up and down. Yesterday was bad. Today is a bit better. I'm really trying to stop thinking about her, texting her, etc, but it's so hard to go from having someone in your life everyday to nothing. My phone just sits there, empty. No texts, no contact. It's brutal. I'm working on the acceptance. I know it's over and that it needs to be over. I know I'm better off without her (for certain). I should just be angry and not be sad. I'm trying to get busy, not dwell. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week I'll feel just a little better. It's funny. If I could take a pill that would either travel back in time a month ago and not have this happen, or the pill would just completely erase her from my memory, I don't know which one I'd take. I just want this empty and pain to stop.

a little bit more about him and i. bits and pieces isnt enough info to really go off of. i mentioned my for power when i met him. explained to him how ive always dreamed of spanking a, walking him on a leash, making him sit for me and well a lot of other things. he was so thrown off. im 5 foot 2 girl talking about being served. so it was a hell no from the start. then a year went by we got very comfortable and open with one another and it was brought up again. i asked if he would try he said yes. i got him undressed on his knees and in motion. gave him a spanking ed him a bad boy and well. he got up and told me its weird abusive and not for him :( and i was heart broken but i let it go because i him of course. eventually we talked about it once more and he agreed to me acting on a female so he could pleasure himself to it. i was delighted but am now that from that experience the same thing happen

1. how do you define self respect? I never tell myself anything I wouldn't say to someone I. 2. what kind of nice things do you do for yourself? I take very good care of myself healthwise and I go for facials and spend time in the sauna and give myself opportunities to try new things. I try to spread a positive by giving someone good vibes it also bounces back to me because I really listen when I talk, I look for other people with a positive vibe too. 3. do you have a dream? I have goals, I guess that's kinda in the same arena. are you living it? I'm on the path. you? Higly likely, though I cannot predict the future. 4. do you believe in yourself? Most of the time, but I do have my moments of self-doubt, I just don't dwell in those moments. 5. whats beautiful right now? The weather, wearing short sleeves and, if I do say so myself, my "- the Riviter" arms! 6. do you have good self esteem? Not about everything and not all the time, but for the most part, yes. 7. how do you feed the ego without getting selfish? First of all, selfish is a maliable term, and I believe that what some people would selfish, I would "not letting myself get taken advantage of" so a little bit so "selfish" is a good thing. As Hillel, said, "If I am not for myself, who be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? And, if not now, when?” 8. can you go with the flow? Most of the time but not always. 9. where does this line come from? " ala peanut butter sandwhiches!!" I cheated: From Sesame Street, but I had to do a quick search.

The following is a true story and although some of the details be a little different than what really happened (my memory is not that good), on the whole, the story is true and I have written it to be as close to what really happened as possible. Also, all parties indicated in the story were at least 18 at the time of the events. * When I was in my late teens, I had a guy friend that could not be beat. We talked about everything and we spent a huge amount of time together. There was never any real attraction or anything physical. It was just friends and fun. He was my and I loved him like a brother and I think he felt the same about me. In the time, my mother had to work and my father wasn't around, so that left me in an empty house with way too much time on my hands. I worked afternoons and evenings, so my days were much alone in the apartment with the remote and a working phone. On this particular day, my, I'll him, and one of my girlfriends came over. We had all just graduated high school and I was 18. and were both about to turn 19. They really were not supposed to come in (momma's rules), but I was bored and I thought what the heck. They were good friends and they weren't the type to do anything that would get me in trouble. We around most of the morning just talking about stupid stuff like parents, and how we were glad to be out of school and of course we talked about guys and girls. had to tell us everything about his favorite dates and the silly things that would go on. would do the same and we all just sat around and laughed, giggled and blushed most of the morning. Around 11:00, brought up the idea of playing cards. and I were OK with that so I went into the other room to get a deck. I came back and sat down on the floor with them and asked them what they wanted to play. recommended some card game I had never heard of before, and I recommended one they had never heard before and we went on and on for a few minutes. Before, said, have you guys ever played "Strip Poker?" This sort of caught me off guard. I would expect something like this from, but? It wasn't that she was little too goody shoes or anything, but she was a bit homely.

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