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I originally posted this question to the women's forum cause I couldn't believe my wife wanted BK instead of helping around the house a bit while I dug us out of the hole. Not to put too fine a point on my situation, but my wife works 40 hours a week and I work about 60. I take the to school or camp and pick up in the evening. I also make dinner. My job offers me some flexibility in that I can dial in and work from my den. The financial situation is a result of student loans from both of us, and credit card bills where the expenses weren't monitored as much as I should have. To be truthful, most of the bills came from my wife's need to have fashionable clothes at work. This was stopped cold about 18 months ago, when I cut up the credit cards. However, the debt remains. I had a shake up at my company and was laid off for a couple months, we had enough savings to us through but the expenses weren't cut enough and we missed a mortgage payment. Now with everything we are at the edge of our ability to pay. I got an opportunity to work extra on another project to help solidify my position with my new team and bring in enough extra income to pay off the credit card debt and give us money for a well deserved vacation. I was never saying she had to be a single parent, just needed her to make dinner and pick up the. The rest I still be doing. But she said no. I didn't think it was reasonable, but in the forums the opinion is I'm wrong for even considering she take on more. So here I sit with the only current option on the table, foreclosure and bankruptcy. And I'm being ed names for that. Quite frankly I'm pissed off that I'm wrong for asking for some help from what I provide, and I'm wrong for doing the only other thing I can do. Getting a divorce doesn't resolve the current problem and merely brings more problems to the table. So thanks for nothing.

It is what it is. You've confessed, you've apologized, you're doing the work necessary to figure out why you do the things you do, and to clarify what you want/need from a relationship. It's time to stop groveling. He's upset, and it's going to take more than a few sweet words and knocking yourself out being super-nice to him to make up for it. In the end, it not matter how sorry you are or how committed you are. You broke a basic trust, and some people just can't get past that. You can't change what happened. The only thing you have control over at this point is how you choose to behave in the future. Either he'll decide he wants to stay, or he'll choose to go. Frankly, if he's not going to counseling with (or without) you, that's a bit of a red. Stop begging for him to observe your upcoming anniversary. If you want to observe it, go ahead but do not make this a "make it or break it" line in the sand. You say you want "atta girls", some acknowledgement that you're trying. No, you don't. You want him to get over his disappointment and anger and appreciate all the work you're doing. Not gonna happen. You're going to have to be satisfied with your own efforts, and stop looking for outside validation. It's not going to be fun, and it's not going to be easy. Suck it up. (PS: I you're avoiding your sister through all of this.)

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