Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Marriage Discussion

Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby stanton » Sat Dec 11, 2010 5:17 pm

You said yourself you weren't handling it well
Why is this entirely on her? It may be time to look in the mirror and say, "Self, we're not handling this well. We didn't get the insurance that would have replaced our stuff. We're freaking out and blaming people for not pampering us." The more I read, the more it seems you have picked THIS friend to zero your anger in on because of the convenience of her apartment's location to your work. It is not her responsibility to offer you anything
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby kuykendall » Thu Dec 16, 2010 12:55 am

one question
It is not her responsibility as a friend to me to check in, say hi etc? Really? That's asking a lot? Expecting that a friend you speak with regularly to continue to contact you is pampering? Wow, sounds like you and her would be great pals since you both find communicating with a friend to be such a task. <BR
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby byung » Sat Dec 18, 2010 12:02 am

Hon, you sound very needy
I have to say, I would be nervous about reaching out to someone like you and here's why. Clearly, if you came to stay, it wouldn't just be, "Hey, can I crash on your couch for 2 nights while I finish getting this new apartment worked out?" it would be, "OMG I am just beside myself. Please cancel all your plans with other friends because I am going to need to have a cry-fest for two weeks about this. I will need constant attention, emails, texts to check in, basiy you to pamper me until I get over this." Clearly inviting you to stay would be much more involved than just a simple crash on the couch for a night or two. It's clear that you would be a very trying friend to reach out to. Some people like to make sure the entire world feels their pain with them instead of dealing with it and trying to move forward like an adult. Do you know how many people survive on this planet every day without any of the nice things you still have
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Callida » Sat Dec 18, 2010 2:02 pm

I think maybe
your attitude might be telling a bigger story. I started reading your OP feeling bad for you, but you keep dumping blame on a friend. It's too bad what you're going through, and maybe she could've stepped up a little more, but you're not listening to the majority of voices here. You asked our opinion - and you're getting it. Now you don't like it. Sorry about that, but that can be the price of asking. Maybe you're not such a great friend yourself...true friends don't really expect anything, they're just grateful for what they get. Maybe she sees you as not being that type. I know that's how you're coming across to me
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby edward » Wed Dec 22, 2010 3:21 am

It's not too much to ask, if you ASK.
Here's the thing, you are in charge of how other people make you feel. If you don't like the way something is playing out, you have the power to change it. Why is it too much to ask of you to contact her? She could have lots of reasons for not contacting you, from not wanting to waste the charge on your phone (you did tell her that you were charging it at a coffee shop, yes?) to not being aware that you didn't have a place to stay, to not feeling comfortable with leaving someone else in her house while she was away on a planned vacation. Some people just aren't naturally inclusive, or they feel as if they would be prying into your affairs too much to mention it. Hell, it might even be like Miss_Conduct suggested: she may not be prepared for that kind of a lifestyle change, or she might have had a bad experience with a houseguest who overstayed their welcome before. The reasons are as varied as poeple are and none of it matters. If you really want to know, you have to ask her, speculating with us will get you nowhere
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Metyn » Wed Dec 29, 2010 1:45 pm

As I see it.
She is under no obligation to put you up while you decide where you are going to live. She is under no obligation to change her plans at a moments notice just because you are going thru a crisis. She is a fair wheather friend. An arm length friend but not a true friend. A true friend would have given you short term place to live. I think 1-2 weeks would have been nice. You should be able to get another place to live in 1 day. You might not have furniture but real friends might have extra furniture to give to you until you are back on your feet. The one thing you learned about this so friend is not to depend on her. Continue being her friend but know your place and dont feel obligated to include her in your plans. Some times people abandon friends in time of crisis and she sure did to you. forget about it, move on, you have bigger fish to fry at this point. billiethephillie full time realtor part time shrink
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby je-hurn » Fri Dec 31, 2010 6:11 am

I'm in agreeance here with Billie
This is not the kind of friend you want to keep in your circle of trust as she is not concerned about your well being when disaster struck your life. But I would not think about it too much, you learned what kind of friend she really is by this unfortunate set of circumstances. That being said, I have a friend that drives me nuts sometimes because every big challenge in life brings her on a pity pot mission and I can't handle that after a while because she seems to choose grieving over "how can I make a positive out of this?" I start to back away when she does this because its a pattern and frankly I don't want to feed her pity party
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby leticia » Fri Dec 31, 2010 9:17 am

It sounds like you're directing the stress
towards her because it's your only outlet. I would not say she's going to win any awards for step-in-and-help person of the year, but in her defense, is it her responsibility to take care of you? She may not want to live with anyone and despite the fact that you're rubbing your hands together hopefully and looking at her apartment, she may not want a roommate. Alternatively, she may be going about her own life (just like you are going about your own) and not realize you're having a breakdown. 1. If it was a natural disaster (or sometimes even if not), will the red cross offer help for a week or two? Have you found a new apartment to stay in yet? I get that you are pissed, but while her actions haven't gone above and beyond the to be a good friend, she hasn't "done" anything to you. You're just angry that she hasn't offered what you want her to give
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby matt » Sun Jan 02, 2011 12:30 pm

Some people are not good in these situations
Some people are naturally that pushy neighbor who comes over with the casseroles and wants you to tell the story 5 times at their kitchen table. Some people are just more private about their lives and really DON'T want a roommate and perhaps don't know how to reach out. I think it's unfair of you to decide she's simply uncaring or not a good friend because of this incident. I think that you can't control what happened, you understand that you should have gotten renters insurance and are kicking yourself that you could have partially prevented this loss, and so you're directing all that anger towards her
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Sadie » Sun Jan 09, 2011 5:17 am

don't completely agree
This person is a friend that has been a pal for years. The OP is just hurt that her friend kind of abandoned her by not even ing, etc. It looks to me like that is exactly what happened. She learned that someone she exchanges with all of the time would not help in her time of need, and furthermore was absent from ing, texting, etc. because she didn't want to be bothered. I don't think the OP should dwell on this too much just remember and put this friend lower on her priority list in the future
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