Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Marriage Discussion

Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby louis » Sun Jan 09, 2011 6:14 am

Over and over in my life I find that
compassion and help when I really need it comes from places I never expect it. My friends seem oblivious, yet people who are more casual type acquaintances are amazingly thoughtful in their outreach and help. It is stunning really. Maybe it is that selective perception idea that was discussed a little yesterday. Your friends aren't really quite the friends you think. The acquaintances are more worthy of being ed friends than previously thought. Or maybe it is just that people who have actually been through hardship are more likely to reach out to others in need. Maybe your friend has never been in a place where she needed help so she is clueless about your real need and how to respond. At any rate I don't think this is unique to your relationship with your friend. Somewhat par for the course in our society these days. <BR
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby exley » Sun Jan 09, 2011 2:47 pm

I agree
I have a coworker i barely know that offered to let me stay on her couch or use her washer/dryer to do laundry. Yet my friend of 20 years thought sending me a 'hey, how are you?' text was more effort than she was willing to extend. I also agree that she has never had to deal with anything particularly tragic. It does make me wonder if she would offer more compassion to other friends and maybe she just doesn't give a sh*t about me
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Agnola » Sat Jan 15, 2011 7:41 am

The other thing that occurs to me
is how blind to or inadequate I am to people in my circles who are in need. Am I like your coworker or more like your friend? I like to think it's more like the coworker, but I like to think many things that aren't quite true. This is at least a positive to take away from the whole mess...the new awareness. It's hard to become aware of things. <BR
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Addi » Mon Jan 17, 2011 7:25 am

Excellent point
I would ask if you feel its your responsibility to find out that a person needs your help or do you feel that lies with the person needing it. I find help is much more available when I actually seek it
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Nydia » Mon Jan 24, 2011 12:38 am

I think it's great when people make specific
offers rather than making the person in the bad situation have to humble themselves further by asking. It's hard to ask for things. Some people won't do it for all sorts of reasons. I wouldn't really criticize somebody for not offering. Maybe they have their own reasons. Or maybe they are just blind to the need. We all are so blind may times. I just think the people who take the initiatve too offer are pretty amazing
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Tatsman » Tue Feb 22, 2011 5:26 pm

it is fascinating
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby theodosia » Wed Mar 09, 2011 12:58 pm

I agree.
When I needed emergency housing for myself, my husband, our dog, and all our belongings for three months when we were between other housing, we asked all of our friends and colleagues. We got three housing offers, all from people with little money or room to spare, but we were grateful and ended up staying in a grad student friend's basement for the summer. It's kind of entertaining how people like that are willing to help out when family friends with whole extra rooms in their house aren't. In any case, we were grateful for the help (and paid rent of course), and everything worked out fine. Your life will get back on track as well. Just figure out what you need to do to improve your situation, and go do it. I've found that I get along well in life by being grateful for the opportunities I'm given
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Abra » Mon Mar 14, 2011 1:27 am

There are different categories of friendship.
It sounds like this one is more superficial, not the sort who comes through in a pinch. Fair-weather friends will often ask for favors, but seldom return them. They will almost always disappoint you. The only consolation I can offer is that once they let you down a few times when you've really needed them, you can stop wasting time trying to make the relationship into more than it is. You can also limit how far you will extend for them, extending yourself for the truly valuable friendships where your efforts are appreciated &amp; reciprocated. I had a friend who borrowed my car, asked for help moving - twice, asked for a letter of recommendation, &amp; came to me to for comfort when her relationships went south. But when I asked her a letter of recommendation, she couldn't be bothered. When I ed needing to talk right after my mother died, she didn't pick up, so I left her a voice mail. She never ed back. This stuff only hurts for a bit, then you see things for what they are &amp; you move on, a bit sadder &amp; wiser. Sorry for your troubles, arghhh
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Mariya » Mon Mar 14, 2011 3:05 am

Check here for the renters insurance.

They're a direct insurer, like Geico, so there are no agents taking part of your premium every year as a commission and the cost is lower. The service is also fabulous - they always come in first in the Consumer Reports satisfaction survey. They're great for auto coverage too. I've been with them for over 20 years
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Lydda-June » Fri Mar 25, 2011 4:09 pm

Thank you
I'll look into them. Ironiy I've always had renter's insurance, except for the past 6 month's when I decided not to renew because I virtually had no worthwhile posessions to cover. Now i realize that the most important factor is not necessarily having your things replaced but the no-hassle matter of being put up in a hotel
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