Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Marriage Discussion

Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Melisandra » Tue Mar 29, 2011 6:10 pm

Just make sure that's covered when you
talk to them. I don't think it's mandated in NY, but it may be in CT
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Adrea » Sat Apr 09, 2011 3:59 am

There is a HUGE difference here, Bee.
You and your fair-weather friends actually ASKED for what you needed, instead of sitting around feeling entitled and wondering why no one went out of their way to pamper you. I've said it before, "You never get what you don't ask for." OP never actually contacted this friend to ask if she'd like to get together over coffee cause she needed a shoulder to cry on, she never asked to come stay at her friend's place, she never asked for any of the things she is complaining about. I'm sorry for what she is going through, but my friends go without my assistance in times of need as well if they never bother to ask for any. And I'm talking about good friends, who will always help you out, and I am the same way, but none of us can read minds and none of us are clarivoyant enough to determine that so-and-so needs a phone or could use a pity-party. We keep ourselves in our own orbits until we are asked for help, but boy-howdy, once you ask... As I suggested above, maybe her friend was trying to give her space to sort out her issues. We don't know and she never will as long as she never asks about it. Communication is an important part of any and all relationships, friendships just as much as romantic relationships
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Keeley » Sat Apr 09, 2011 5:03 am

Well now, you've got me there.
I'm not big on wallowing in my problems. I may flip out at the onset, but I try to bounce back fast. Then I bust my buns trying to find solutions as quickly as possible. If anything, I so rarely ask for help that any true friend would take such a request very seriously. So this old friend I mentioned, she & I had once been very tight, so her lack of concern came like a slap on the face. A slap on the face only hurts for a bit, then I consider it a favor. In my case, it put the "friendship" into perspective. One definite plus - she hasn't asked me for any favors since, & if she's wise, she never will
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Misty » Sun Apr 24, 2011 2:40 am

WOW - next time, get renter's insurance, eh?
"I haven't been handling the stress of being displaced...very well and she knows this. Yet she never ed to check in on me." Learn to handle stress better. It's not her fault you're emotionally undeveloped. "She also didn't offer to cancel her plans" Why would she? You're in no emergency. "Never offered to let me stay at her place while she was gone, nor checked in with me to see how i was doing at any point." I'm guessing since you hadn't asked for her help she thought you were managing just fine. Your entire post is a great example of showing how making assumptions and having expectations of another can come crashing down around your head. She corrected your assumptions and expectations. Good for her. I don't see anywhere in your post where you ASKED her if you could stay with her for a period while you get back on your feet. You asssumed she SHOULD offer when you thought you were too important to have to ask for help. I suggest you ask her if you need help or drop it. You have no right whatsoever to be upset with her
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Eloise » Sat May 07, 2011 5:38 pm

Me, me, me, me, me'
That's how your post reads. You are going through some tough times. My advice: DEAL WITH IT. You apt is flooded, get pumps, towels, everything you can, get the water out, clean up while the damage can be mitigated. Instead you are wasting your energy on hating a good friend because she didn't drop everything and do the stuff that you should have done for you. This selfish thinking on your part tells me you wouldn't think of your friend if the situations were reversed. Now go back to cleaning your apt
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby doan » Mon May 09, 2011 5:40 am

First of all.
It is/was not my responsibility to fix the damage. I had already spent an entire night getting no sleep emptying buckets and buckets of disgusting brown water outside as a preventative measure. I rent, and therefore expect my landlord to respond to the situation accordingly, which he did not do. Even though I ed him in the middle of the night as soon as i realized water was pouring down from my ceiling. He didn't do anything. It's been over 2 weeks since this happened and the apartment hasn't been touched. I can't imagine the mold that is growing. My apt is uninhabitable and has been flagged by the board of health. A large portion of the ceiling fell down due to the water damage. My entire bedroom was completely saturated in water. (floors, ceiling AND walls). I will not be moving back in. Basiy, I'm not understanding how everyone is focusing on what they think i wanted her to do. I just wanted her to show she somewhat gave a sh*t about me. It's not really dropping everything to give me a ? a text or email while she's sitting at work all day
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Lanny » Thu Jul 07, 2011 10:08 am

"I just wanted her to show she somewhat gave a sh*t about me. It's not really dropping everything to give me a ? a text or email while she's sitting at work all day?" She just really didn't meet your expectations. Pick yourself up and dust off your pants. Move on. <BR
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Marrissa » Thu Jul 07, 2011 11:38 pm

In the future, please make sure that friends understand the parameters you place upon them. That way there will be no confusion. In order to remain friends you will be expected to provide the following: 1. Unsolicited offers of help 2. Supporting s and texts regardless of events in your life. 3. If space is available in your residence an offer of temporary housing will be appreciated, however acceptance is optional. 4. These conditions are MANDITORY and must be adhered to in order to retain friend status. I, (Friend), have read the terms of this agreement and acknowledge and accept these conditions, signed: ________________________ Date:_____________ After all, if you're going to place these types of expectations upon people you should be clear
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Erinn » Sun Jul 10, 2011 8:15 pm

Wow, posters are rough today! :-)
I don't see the OP's post as "Me, Me, Me" She had a major disaster in her life, and needed some help. True friends would bend over backwards to make her life easier without asking, and she had to learn that this friend is NOT a true friend. She's known it all along I'm sure, but only now when you need her, does she totally fail you. So I think you are entitled to tell her that you're disappointed in her, but probably the high road is to just let it go and let her go. No need to make drama of this. If she asks where you are, just say you don't really enjoy the friendship anymore. X
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Re: Semi OT - Disappointed in friend

Postby Betty-Anne » Wed Jul 20, 2011 1:55 am

People are a bit rough on you.
I understand where you're coming from. I don't think it's too much to ask that a friend checks up on you when something is going on in your life. I would be a bit disappointed in my friend as well if she couldn't be bothered with a phone to make sure I'm ok. Now, I don't know about offering for you to stay at her place. Sure, it would be nice, but this kind of things have a way to last. And I've seen a few friendships being lost because the people involved couldn't live with each other. If you've been friends for 20 years, this cannot be the first time that she's acting this way. I don't necesarily think that she's uncaring, but maybe that she gets wrapped up in her life easily. And if this behavior is unusual for her, has it ocurred to you that maybe something is going on in her life as well? MAybe you've been so wrapped up in this that you're not paying attention to what she's saying
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