Help needed – please

Divorce Discussion

Help needed – please

Postby Krinda » Fri Aug 26, 2011 6:44 pm

Help needed – please
Still in the process of getting my divorce finalized. After a year and a half of drama, we need to set up a permanent visitation schedule. I’m thinking that a 50/50 schedule during the summer time will be fine, but during the school year more of a 70/30 or 60/40 would be appropriate. We live four towns away and it’s about a 35-45min ride each way. Is it fair for our kids to have to endure a flip flopping schedule during the school year? Dad house 3 nights one week, 4 the next or would every other weekend (FRI –SUN) and once or twice during the week for dinner on Mom’s days (Tue & Thurs 3-7pm). Please, no bashing. I only need encouragement not to be push into depression. I’m thinking that dad will get the kids every other weekend beginning Friday at 6:30pm and drop of Sunday at 7pm. (Homework to be completed during the time at dad’s house.) During the week that they’ll be with me, dad can pick kids up from school/daycare and have them for a few hours for dinner/fun stuff; let’s say from 3:00 -7pm. Here is the kicker! We have three kids together 9, 5 and 5mths. He hasn’t seen the baby yet as he was cheating on me with his now fiancé and whom he cheated on her with me and conceived our 5mth old. After his now fiancé payed to get the pertinty test done, and at the persistence of our 9yr old asking why his youngest sibling doesn’t come over when they do, he now wants to see the baby only on Sundays for a few hours. Is that really fair???? With the schedule proposed above, since he hasn’t seen the baby yet, having him on the Tues & Thurs for a few months at first should be a good way for them to get to bond and then maybe by Nov or Dec all of the kids can follow the schedule above- right? I just hope that his fiancé has really forgiven him for the cheating (2x) and has really come to terms with fact that the baby is here now and will be fair and act lovingly to the baby when the kids are there at her home. Also, her two kids (14&15) have seemed to bond with my soon to be Ex; what would be their reaction to the baby….
Krinda
 
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Re: Help needed – please

Postby shiahn » Thu Dec 22, 2011 1:12 pm

The court will not agree to this
a judge would agree to this situation. If both parents want to agree, the kids need to live every week day where they go to school. This will keep them active in school activities & relationships. Sounds like you both need to agree on a situation that is best for all involved. Maybe he should get the kids every weekend & they can stay with you during the week for school. As far as the baby, what in the hell where you thinking? Geezzz
shiahn
 
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Re: Help needed – please

Postby Kristen » Wed Dec 28, 2011 1:02 pm

is best
However, you have to be realistic as well. Is the 5yo in school as yet? The big thing is the number of overnights, and who is in the marital home. Is the house being sold, and if so has the new place to live been established. The goal is to minimize the disruption to the children. The closer the two of you live, the better for the children. It is best for the kids to stay in the same school district with their friends. That said, for the 5 & 9 yo, the 3/4 alternate could work provided school schedule can be kept. Otherwise, you will need to compromise on weekends and determine an acceptable balance of time. The infant needs time to bond with your ex. This means spending time with baby, including overnights. Just plan for packing formula and freeze some breast milk if he is still nursing. Everyone needs to be an adult, regarding the kids. That means leaving them out of any arguments or finger pointing. Just provide them with love and understanding. It will be very rough on the 5 yo, and the 9 yo may be better, depending on temperment. Mine were 6 & 9 at the time of my divorce. Best wishes
Kristen
 
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Re: Help needed – please

Postby Fredra » Wed Jan 18, 2012 8:05 pm

Is not always best
Unless the rare circumstance where the child has a bedroom and toys in each place, children often report constant confusion with that arrangement. Kids like routine. The rapid changes between parents can foster a sense of insecurity
Fredra
 
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