it's all well and good that you can state these things about yourself (drawn to 'dysfunctional' women, etc.), but the question remains whether or not you want to change that about yourself; whether or not you've really internalized what that means. It's a bit off to just slap a label on this woman as 'dysfunctional,' lump her into the same category with your last 2 exes, and say "oh well, there I go again." And this is because the essential problem that you have is with yourself. You are dysfunctional with yourself. I'm a bit concerned by the deep division you seem to have within yourself. You say one want one set of outcomes, yet you spend your time and energy on acquriing people and scenarios that, in fact, inhibit your getting what you say you want. Is there no woman you know, or get to know, who might want the same things that you claim you want? Or, is that sort of woman not so attractive to you? Consider: What might it be about obtaining, or even working toward, these goals that has you so repelled/ terrified? Why do you think you might actively be sabotaging your life goals, if these things (family, etc.) are really what you want? A good woman who wants you back, and wants the same things that you want, not come with the risk/ baggage/ fringe-level 'prestige' that this (fantasy of a) relationship with the Australia woman brings. And that is a GOOD thing. What you have with the woman in Australia is not intimacy; it's smoke and mirrors. You should really try to forget the prestige and the 'piece of the action' thing. This lead you nowhere except deeper into the rabbit hole of dysfunction, feeding your self-esteem issues and putting band-aids on deeper-seated ego problems that (I'm only guessing) you might have. If this is how you want to proceed, well, on you're doing great. But do know that you never really feel right within yourself. You'll slowly turn all the relationships in your life into hedged bets. Think about it, that's what chasing prestige is all about, hedging bets and others YOU as a hedged bet, as well (and around and around you'll go) at the end of the day, you'll find yourself feeling used, lonely, and unfulfilled despite any successes. (Please trust me on this, I have a close friend in their 60s who's dealing w/ this).

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I really want to make some friends, but I am not sure if bars, clubs are good places to do that. I went there tonight, two dance clubs two bars. Dance clubs were packed, most of people danced with their friends. I didn't anyone came alone except for me I also felt weird if I went straightly to a dude and danced with him. In the backyard people were talking, smoking, again, with those whom they are familiar with. I was a bit awkward to stand there for like one or two mins. Since you guys have experiences in socializing, I wonder if you can give me some suggestion, how am I going to start a conversation with people that I don't know at all, especially those who are surrounded by friends. Interrupting their conversation to join them seems very rude for me to accept or is club or bar a place to make friends??

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