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is overrated, especially in a market that's sliding downhill. is this about you owning property or being married? they're not the same thing. if you'd like to get married, ask him if he feels the same. you can volunteer to sign a pre-nup, if it makes you both feel better. then put your extra $$$ into retirement, or travel, or a home, or all of the above :)

and we on the internet to think somehow in a few posts we can solve someone -'s shit for them. I'll admit you frustrate me but what the fuck, I'm an optimist or stubborn as fuck, take your pick. Nojoy the truth, when my marriage and we are talking about either one was good, life has never been better. I somewhat felt like I had it all and both had times where I never felt so complete. From starting out with my first ex the apartment, dreams of where we would go, doing laundry together at the laundry mat, the trip up the California coast where we had 10 days and no agenda but to just be together and what we wanted .fucking bliss. The second wife stunningly beautiful woman, sexy as hell and a boy I absolutely fell in with, never could imagine a better feeling than when I saw him actually improve because of something I helped with and some of that happened just last night. No need for details but just know that my heart felt like it was ripped from my chest. Knowing I would do anything to get that back and be there every day and knowing that even thinking about it leads nowhere good. All there, real times, real memories and real happiness. And life is HARD right now, tomorrow I go under the knife again. Dude, I'm a bit of a physical stud with a back that hurts every day and I'm damn near disabled. I don't know what I'll do if this doesn't work, I'm to death and as fucking timing would have it my stepson and ex are in town. He be with me this weekend and I avoid her like the plague. Not because I hate her or I am angry but because I know no good come from it. It's done and time to go forward. I could slide into a hole, I it. I know where you are..but no thanks.

He enjoys being overpowered and the struggle as well, having me "take " what I want and knowing he could not stop me if he wanted to if I was so inclined to actually "rape" him. When I have asked him pointedly about this to try and understand his particular reasons it is not easy to get a definative answer and it seems that the inquiry take away from the act if I prod too much so I let it go and am satisfied with knowing he likes to be overpowered and struggle a bit. Sometimes picking apart a kink is counter productie. I know that consensual "force" fantasy "rape" and a general rough taking of him works for me as well, it's also not easy to describe in detail why I like that or why it flips my switch but I do know that at times it can stimulate me to an urge which I need to govern well because it let's the "animal in me" out of the cage, and so the process is renewed as he is pushed and then finally is resigned to submission of mind as wll as body and I him shift form day to night and flow away, submursed in our priveate sea of erotic comfort and I reel him back, slowly and warm MMMMMMMMMMMM good morning

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