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I sent you an email asking for forgiveness and telling you that I forgave you for everything but I keep obsessing about what I did wrong(nothing) and I still miss you and I do want to be your friend. I was willing to give you everything I have, even though I do not have a job but I worked for every penny that I spent on you and I was willing to give you so much more attention/love than I did but you just got out of a relationship and you were raped by your ex and you chose to go back to him when you knew he has tried that before. I was even willing to help you pay for your bills. I'm still having trouble forgiving you for just going with someone else without even considering how I felt and jumping from one relationship to another. If you think that our relationship was just based on me complimenting you, you never gave me the opportunity to really get to know you and you never told me what you wanted. I always respected you and thought that you were a very good person and thats why I never tried to get closer but when I wanted to you weren't there and you were already in the arms of someone else. I know you wanted affection when I wen't over to your mothers house and it was not random when you grabbed me but you were up all night and like you told me you wanted to make French toast so I just reminded you of your physical needs. If you think that someone does not love you b/c there willing to forego your want of affection for your physical needs thats just silly. By the way you make great French toast. When I said love is not affection that does not mean that love cannot include affection which it does. If you think I'm cold just think of what I was willing to sacrifice for you and what I spent on you and trying to get to know you even though now I realize I was never in the picture even though I told you that paying for your dinner was not a waste because I got to spend time with you. I still can't believe how you used me for what you wanted and then moved on to someone else. Someone who loves you is willing to take the time to respect you and get to know you and also trust you. I was friends with you so I could be your lover and I really did love you but you totally disregarded that trust. The things that you said to me about a month ago like its just a casual relationship and that you don't have much in common were pretty cruel and it just goes to show how much little hope or care you have for others.
I swear we had so much more in common then just being a pagan I know it means your not Christian but really it doesn't mean anything because that could mean so many different things. When you were playing on the Nintendo DS, I was writing programs for it. If you think I just like dark electronic music, then think again because music in general has been my driving force, who knew I'm on Itunes. My religion is not war its peace and love and stop going with people who believe in there own self righteous supremacy. I want you back but I don't know if you realize how much you hit me below the belt. I know you do care but maybe for the wrong reasons. I'm tired of cursing you and I've tried so hard to forgive you so please let me know if you really ever cared deeply enough to let the people who were really willing to love you love you.
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