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My BF and I went to a party on Saturday night that was put on by a queer arts collective and Burning camp. It was quite fun with a black-light dancefloor and tons of people in all sorts of costumes, drag, gender-fuck, day-glow, naked, body-paint and what-not. Damn, but there was such a collection of hot boys under one roof! I wore my "Noni-outfit". (I'm wearing it in my profile pic, but you can't much of it) A purple faux-fur jacket that buttons at the waist with a hot-pink heart-shaped collar and assless chaps with a matching hot-pink "butt-collar" that frames my booty. I guess I was looking sexy that night. I had a hot rubinesque chick in a sexy leather SM dress spank me with a spiked paddle. I had the experience of walking onto the dance floor no less than times in a row to have some cutie lock lips with me within seconds. I left my BF sitting somewhere and came back within minutes followed by a couple to make-out with us. Towards the end of the night, this guy my BF and I have been flirting with for the last two weeks showed up with his BF. He confided in me that he could easily fall in if not for the fact that we both have BF's. I thought to myself; "that wouldn't stop me". There's a very strong spark between me and this fella. I don't know where it's going to lead. I think I need to have a serious talk with him to make sure that where my feelings are going is OK within the context of his relationship. One thing led to another, I was keeping his BF company when I spied my BF screwing this guy I'm kinda falling for. I had a very stong moment of compersion. It was beautiful just watching them. My BF eventually saw me watching and beconed me over, so I joined in for a bit. We ended up leaving the party at around 7 am.

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Hear how she's a victim in the mess she herself is creating. So you've never loved your husband yet you married the twit now didn't you. Then comes the list of shit you've tolerated over the years and as always capped off with the reasons you can't go none of them your fault of course. No. Yup the power of one little fucking word, no. You've had the power to say it all along. No one held a gun to your head. You could have said no when he asked to you but you didn't. You could have said no when he said he loved you .no I don't feel the same way .no. Yet here you are because you didn't say those things you said yes. So you're caught a bit here. Either the line about never loving him is a lie or you lied yourself into a marriage. And also common is the realization you're 42. Guess what, you've got your own little midlife crisis going on. Hey, you've made the club. Here you are looking at your pathetic life and wondering how you can stop this wreck before you die on the Titanic. How about you start by owning your shit. If you've done the counseling route you should already have this part down or did you get one of the shitty counselors who made it all about some bs beyond your control? Nope, it's on you. Now there's good news in that. If its on you to do something about your life then you actually have the power to do something about it. You've had it all along. You know if you've lied this you're probably going to have problems stopping but you're at a turning point. You're about to get hit between the eyes with reality. That if there's really no point in continuing your marriage, you can divorce. That you're not going to look good no matter what you try to do in explaining your own failures sorry the MS doesn't cut it. It's not some fucking trump card. That you decided to this and you haven't really forced the issues. You haven't told him its this or divorce, not in any producktive way tha thou could have picked up at the melter. So make a decision, if you want to divorce, do it. But OWN it. Same if you decide to roll the dice own the choice win or lose. Trust me, no one has been having a fucking picnic so quit fantasizing about how shitty your life is and how nice it must be for everyone. Get real make a choice.