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"i know that you are dealing with a divorce healing from it right now. i would really like to have a relationship with you and if it could progress to something term, maybe even marriage, but i understand that you are nowhere near ready to deal with any of that. therefore, i am going to walk, and i am doing it so that you can take care of yourself the divorce issues. if you would like to contact me 6 months after your divorce is final, i be thrilled to you. i think you're fantastic, but i know the timing is off. take care hopefully i'll hear from you when your personal life has settled down a bit." but you won't do that bc you're desperate to make him ALL YOURS when he hasn't even fully detached from his wife. where the problem is? and btw, he argue say "oh, i'm fine, i'm totally together, i want to be with you now!" but he's not fine. trust difo. he's not.

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Plus I have a neg. But to clarify Cattail and I have exchanged hundreds of posts on her situation over the course of several years. I have my own saga of injury and recovery and am extremely aware of the effect of. I think cattail knows I very much wish her the best and was addressing an aspect of her story others can't know from a single post. I want to be careful not to tell someone -'s story and I'm of course aware I can be wrong. But I think it's safe to say his is a family with a fragile daughter that's been locked into a dysfunctional dynamic forever. Cattail knows I'm strongly of the opinion that her mother is as guilty, if not more so, of driving that dynamic. Whatever the father's, his offer to visit alone was in my view an effort to break the pattern. Cattail not be ready and that's OKAY. But IMO it would be be beneficial and an important step away from polarized dad-bad/mom-good thinking to RECOGNIZE he's at least trying. And yes, I Cat doing that I was just encouraging it (in my own way). Yelling at a kid is, but subtle manipulation with a smiley face CAN be every bit as soul-sucking and extremely damaging to individuation, yet harder to recognize. And obviously dad is clumsy: the idea of sleeping on her couch for a whole week is ridiculous. That would be too much togetherness even in vastly better circumstances. Nevertheless, it saddened me to mom back in the picture because IMO it'd be a huge step forward for Cat and dad to handle this either way, even with open conflict without mom intruding and manipulating via guilt and the appearance of good-guy gentlesness (masking one hell of a self-serving agenda). I'm not writing this properly don't have time. So let me just say, I wasn't defending dad or minimizing. And cattail, I not have made it clear in other posts, but I totally support a decision to reject his visit. I bring up the fact he's trying to challenge the polarized view of your parents. I saw some of that perhaps erroneously in your comment about his bragging being a sign narcissism. Does your mother not brag about you, as well? Sorry, this is so garbled. It's a half-assed attempt to explain my comment despite not having time to write.

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